Dialogue Lessons: Mechanics, Part 3

As promised last Friday, during the rest of September I'll be sharing some notes here from my "The Art of Writing Dialogue" workshop that I've presented to many writing groups. I presented the first two lessons on Mechanics, the nitty gritty little details of writing dialogue, earlier this week. The last of three lessons on Mechanics will be today, with the final five "rules of thumb." Over the next two weeks, I'll go into the Big Picture, using character traits, conflict, and emotion to infuse a real-life feel into dialogue, to make it pop off the page. On to more Mechanics:

12. Italicize foreign language words in dialogue and use the proper diacritical marks.

13. Avoid informational dialogue by bringing in an ignorant character who has to be told everything, by putting the information in a thought or narrative, or by some other means.

14. Avoid direct address except when it is needed for emphasis, such as when a mother screams a child’s full name when he’s in trouble. Usually, direct address seems unnatural or stilted.

     Bad:     “Please hand me that poker, Mary,” John said as he knelt by the hearth.
                 “Okay, John. Here.” Mary peered at the fire. “Aren’t you a little close, John?”
     Good:   John knelt by the hearth. “Please hand me that poker.”
                 “Here.” Mary peered at the fire. “Aren’t you a little close?”

15. Have your characters ask and answer questions one at a time, so the reader doesn’t get confused.

     Bad:
     “Where are Tom and Sally? Weren’t they supposed to be here? And is Jane supposed to be here?”
     “Tom and Sally are at the mall, and no, I didn’t invite them. Of course she’s supposed to be here. Why’d you ask?”

     Good:    (This would be even better with some business and tags added.)
     “Where are Tom and Sally?”
     “They’re at the mall.”
     “Weren’t they supposed to be here?”
     “No, I didn’t invite them.”
     “And is Jane supposed to be here?”
     “Of course she’s supposed to be here. Why’d you ask?”

16. Try not to switch more than once or twice between dialogue and narrative in the same paragraph, because then the dialogue gets lost. Make sure there’s more dialogue than narrative in a paragraph that combines the two, for the same reason. If you need to, pull the narrative out of the dialogue paragraph.

     Bad:
     “Looks like he’s unconscious,” Mandy shouted to the woman. “I’m going to need your help pulling him in.” The woman shot her a wild-eyed "What, are you kidding?" look, but Mandy chose to ignore it. The ominous roar of Number Five downstream was way more important. Powering her oar strokes with her back, Mandy yelled out explanations. “I’ll come up alongside him then pull him onto the other pontoon. I need you to grab whatever you can on him and help pull him up.”

     Good:
     “Looks like he’s unconscious,” Mandy shouted to the woman. “I’m going to need your help pulling him in.”
     The woman shot her a wild-eyed "What, are you kidding?" look, but Mandy chose to ignore it. The ominous roar of Number Five downstream was way more important.
     Powering her oar strokes with her back, Mandy yelled out explanations. “I’ll come up alongside him then pull him onto the other pontoon. I need you to grab whatever you can on him and help pull him up.”

(This final example was taken from my Deadly Currents mystery. I doctored the Good version in the book to come up with the Bad version.)